I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He felt like a one man threesome
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
