Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
