i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
