Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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