Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
