We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
