rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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