I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
