so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
