My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
