toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
