ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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