its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
