I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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