So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
