PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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