i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
