I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
