If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
