meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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