Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
