Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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