Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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