stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize