Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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