I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
