There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
