Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
