put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why can't burritos get me drunk
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
