I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize