would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize