My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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