We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
