Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
