Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
