I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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