Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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