Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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