It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
