My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
