Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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