How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How does one acquire holy water?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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