SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize