Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
