I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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