the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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