dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
