my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wear drunk well.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
