I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
