Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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