We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
