so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize