I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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