those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
