Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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