I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
