omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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