i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
