haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
