I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
