He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
