I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
