i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
